MegaMan Legends 2: Screw-Ups and Shite
by laZardo
Summary: Here it is, the FINAL REEL! With a SURPRISE ending! But THIS fic isn't finished yet...
1. Calinca Chaos Reel 1

Reel 1  
  
Special thanks goes to Nova Strike for the inspiration to do the Sequel to his MegaMan Legends Blooper Reels (apologies to NS too for building on the idea before s/he did). I'm going to use Trigger for MegaMan but T will be assigned to Tron.  
  
Disclaimer: All names, except for stage staff and priest, as well as real-life filming locations, are copyrighted to Capcom.  
  
To Nova Strike: If you don't like what I am doing simply Email me and I will take it off ASAP.  
  
NOW EAT THIS!  
  
KEY:  
MM - Trigger  
D - Director  
T - Tron  
R - Roll  
P - Priest  
  
[Intro Sequence aboard the Flutter]  
[Take 1]  
R: Trigger! Look who's on TV!  
[shows footage of 'Matilda' on white bird reaverbot]  
MM: Omigod, it's Chandra Levy!  
D: CUT! WRONG PERSON! Besides, Chandra's a brunette.  
MM: Pamela Anderson then?  
D: [facepalm] Here we go again...  
  
[Take 2]  
R: Trigger! Look who's on TV!  
[shows footage of 'Matilda' on white bird reaverbot]  
MM: Is that who I think it is?  
R: It could be... is that...my mother?  
MM: Not her, i mean the hottie making her way to the window!  
R: That's Tron.  
MM: Look at the wind toss her skirt up!  
D: Cut!  
  
[Calinca Island/Yosyonke set in Siberia, Russia]  
  
[Just after landing]  
R: There's a town close to here...can you go check it out?  
MM: Sure! [heads into town]  
D: Cut! Perfect! Finally a good shot.  
  
[Some time later]  
D: Where's Trigger? He was supposed to be here an hour ago!  
Stage Guy 1: I'll go check. [also heads into town.]  
  
[Yosyonke Bar]  
Bartender: Hey look Trigger, they're playing your blooper reels from your last movie!  
MM: [eyes glued to TV] Wow... look at me go! Almost there...Almost there...  
[They're watching the part where Trigger gives it to Tron.]  
[Stage Guy 1 kicks down the door just as they get to the good part.]  
Stage Guy 1: THERE YOU ARE! THE DIRECTOR'S BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU!  
[Stage Guy 1 grabs Trigger in a headlock and drags him out the door.]  
MM: Awww, and they were getting to the good part too.  
  
[In front of Joe's house]  
R: I do hope Grampa's okay!  
MM: Who knows -- he might be dead.  
D: CUT! WRONG LINE!  
  
[On the way to the first ruins]  
MM: Okay, so I'm supposed to try to grab Roll with my lifter, and she'll slap me?! O_O  
D: Yup.  
MM: And then I have to THROW A REAVERBOT AT HER?!  
D: What? You don't like it?  
MM: ...Sounds fun! ;-)  
D: Oooooh boy -_-...TAKE ONE!  
  
[Take 1]  
[SLAP!]  
R: Eeek! Don't touch me! Only Teisel can do that...  
D: CUT! YOU CAN'T BRING RELIGIOUS REFERENCE INTO AN E-RATED GAME! It offends the priest here...  
R: That was a religious reference? Hey is there a rule for that?  
P: Let me look that up.  
  
[take 2]  
[SLAP!]  
R: Eeek! Don't touch me!  
MM: Dammit! Next time hold still so I can grab you harder and squeeze you until your...  
D: CUT! THINK OF THE PRIEST!  
P: YEAH! THINK OF...Hey!  
  
[take 3]  
[SLAP!]  
R: Eeek! Don't touch me!  
MM: Shut up! Don't be such a bitch!  
D: [slaps himself] -_- CUT! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU TO STOP SWEARING AT THE CAMERA! Let's just get this done so we can fly to Fiji so you can meet Tron sooner, okay?  
MM: Tron's in Fiji?  
  
[Forbidden Island Set also in Siberia]  
[Trigger sees the big dropship with the Ancient inside]  
R: I wonder who that is...  
MM: Whoever she is...SHE'S HOT!  
D: CUT!  
Stage Guy 1: How can she be hot? This is a frozen wasteland...I just don't get it.  
  
[Just before the big fight with the Mammoth Boss]  
MM: That thing must weigh a ton!  
Stage Guy 1: Actually, 5 and 1/2 tons. It's got a lot of weaponry inside. It charges like a locomotive, shoots rock-hard snow boulders out its trunk, and even fires a red hot ball of fertilizer out its ass! It's all live and lethal ammo too, but you can handle it, eh?  
[Trigger is trembling in fear.]  
D: Dammit, where's Tron when we need her?  
Stage Guy 1: She's in Fiji, sir. Remember?  
  
[End of Reel 1, Bring in the dancing lobsters!] 


	2. Manda Island Mayhem

MANDA ISLAND MAYHEM  
  
[Manda Island/Pokte Village Set in Fiji]  
[Just before the Big battle with the Giant Crab.]  
MM: I don't wanna hurt my Tron! u.u  
D: Look. If she gets hurt, we'll postpone filming until she's fine again, and you still get to have that kinky scene at Saul Kada later, okay?  
MM: But you'll censor that scene anyway so what's the point of doing it? [sob]  
D: Just blow up the damn robot. If you do I'll let you...um...date her on the Sulfur-Bottom.  
MM: Really? @_@ [gets all bambi-eyed]  
D: Yes, really.  
MM: Are you sure?  
D: YES, I'M DAMN SURE. Look, I'll CG the explosions for you and later on, I'll book you a nice, private suite aboard the Sulfur-Bottom.  
MM: With a closet?  
D: JUST SHUT UP AND KILL THE FACKING ROBOT, OKAY?!  
MM: Tch. Fine. But don't come crying to me if she gets killed!  
T: [from Giant Crab] Could you make that a first-class suite? The economy ones just suck!  
D: [facepalm] I gone to China to film with Ryu and Nina for the BOF movie...but nooo, the producers said I work better with these people...filthy little...oh [spots data]...Data's watching us again?  
Stage Guy 1: Yup.  
D: SHIT!  
Data: Eek Eek!  
  
[Pokte Island set in Fiji]  
[Big fight with Tron's Giant Crab]  
[Crab 'explodes' and Tron is thrown out]  
MM: Tron! Are you all right?!  
T: I guess...but now that you're here, I feel much better now! [she stands up]  
D: Cut! You weren't supposed to be kind to Trigger after you get thrown out! Stage Guy 1, tell the Servbot ship to turn around for another try.  
Stage Guy 1: I can't! The radio's not working!  
D: [facepalm] Uh oh That must mean only one thing...  
MM: Look out!  
T: Where?! AAAAGH! [Servbot ship heading straight towards her]  
Teisel: [in the Servebot ship] This'll teach you to stop hitting on Trigger even if it kills me!  
MM: [to Tron] I'll save you!  
[Trigger leaps in front of the ship and there's a spectacular mid-air collision resulting in some serious bone-breaking]  
T: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! TRIGGER! O.O  
  
[6 weeks and one painful surgery later, after refilming of battle with Giant Crab]  
Stage Guy 1: [looking at a shaking hut] Hey, wasn't that hut supposed to be destroyed?  
D: Yeah...why the hell is it shaking?  
Stage Guy 2: Anybody seen Trigger and Tron?  
D: O.O [looks at the shaking hut] Oh god. No. Please no. Not again.  
Stage Guy 1: I guess they don't need their Sulfur-Bottom reservations, eh?  
  
[Pokte Key Ruins]  
[When Blue Security key is inserted and bridge pillar rises]  
[Take 1]  
D: ACTION!  
R: Wow! Did you see that?  
MM: Nah, I've seen bigger, that's just a little...  
D: CUT!  
  
[Watch Austin Powers 3: Goldmember in theaters soon!]  
  
[Take 2]  
R: Wow! Did you see that?  
MM: Yeah, and I think something's oozing out of the top...  
D: CUT! ENOUGH OF THE SEX TALK ALRIGHT!? X-O  
  
[After fighting Bola Round 2]  
[Take 1]  
B: You'd better enjoy your youth while you can. Develop your skills, because your speed won't last forever.  
MM: That means I'll have to learn the KarmaSutra real fast now...  
D: CUT! I DO NOT WANT TO BE THE FIRST GUY TO RECEIVE THE AO RATING FOR THIS GAME!  
  
[Take 2]  
B: You'd better enjoy your youth while you can. Develop your skills, because your speed won't last forever.  
MM: [looking down at something] I know THIS won't last forever so I gotta use it on Tron right NOW!  
T: [offstage] Awwww...how sweet!  
D: CUT! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU...  
  
[Coffee Break]  
MM: So you don't want anyone else to know?  
B: Yup, I want it to remain a secret. You can only tell Claymoor, alright?  
MM: Deal. [Trigger and Bola shake hands]  
[In comes Tron]  
T: Hey guys, what was it that you two wanted to keep a secret?  
MM: The fact that Bola has a gay relationship with Claymoor. Oops...  
B: AAAAAAAAAGH! YOU LITTLE...[slits Trigger's wrists with his knives]  
Teisel: Ha Ha!  
[In comes Claymoor who sees Trigger bleeding out on the ground]  
C: What happened in here? Who's got a gay relationship with me?  
T: You don't want to know.  
  
[1 month, 2 weeks, and 2 painful surgeries later]  
[Preparing for the big boss fight in Pokte Key Ruins]  
Stage Guy 1: That's the big frog reaverbot you'll be fighting. Stay on the platforms and you won't get hurt if you can evade his attacks.  
MM: Are you talking about the frog with the really long tongue?  
Stage Guy 1: Yup. Watch your wrists.  
MM: O_o Keep that tongue away from my stash. I'm saving it for Tron.  
Stage Guy 1: right...HEY! TEISEL, GET AWAY FROM THAT! PUT THAT DOWN!  
  
[Fighting the big frog in Pokte Key Ruins]  
AND NOW FOR THE COUP DE GREASE!  
  
[The frog's tongue attack does a killer low-blow on MM.]  
MM: AAAAAAAGH! FACK! XO  
D: Cut the scene! Get a medic over there!  
Teisel: [offstage] Yes! My plan worked perfectly!  
[Stage Guy 1 shuts off all the reaverbots in the arena while Trigger writhes in agony on one of the platforms.]  
[Medic, Director, and Stage Guy 1 make their way over to Trigger's platform. Data follows.]  
Medic: Alright Trigger, I'll need you to calm down.  
MM: HOW THE FACK CAN I CALM DOWN WHEN I'VE JUST BEEN NAILED IN THE NADS BY A GIANT TONGUE!  
D: [noticing a large hole in the crotch part of MM's armor] WHOA! That is embarrassing!   
Teisel: [from offstage] YOU DESERVE IT YOU PERVERTED BASTORD!  
[You can't see the hole because the medic is blocking it.]  
Stage Guy 1: [to cameraman off-screen] You! Get that footage deleted. We don't want this to become the feel-good movie of the year!  
Cameraman: Got it! [smashes and burns his filming camera]  
  
Medic: [Using chloroform on Trigger's face] Dang, the chloroform isn't working. We need to calm him down somehow while I apply bandages.  
Stage Guy 1: I know, leave it to me! [leaves filming area]  
[2 minutes later... Stage Guy returns with Tron]  
Medic: He hasn't calmed down one bit even after all those painkillers! What now!  
Stage Guy 1: I brought someone who can help. Tron, do your thing!  
T: Alrighty! [Gives Trigger a big kiss]  
[Trigger calms down but then...]  
Medic: AAAGH! GADDEMET! Something poked me in the eye!  
Director: O_X Ewwwwwwwww...  
  
[After re-filming the Pokte Key Ruins Shots]  
D: [facepalm] I'm having a very bad day today. I need to be cheered up. BRING ME THE MAYOR!  
[The Sexy mayor of Pokte village comes in and feels up the director.]  
D: [getting real hot] Ahhhh...that feels much better...  
Stage Guy 1: [sweatdrop] Um...Director?  
D: [frustrated at his interruption] What, can't a guy like me have a beautiful girl for himself too? Puhleeze...  
Stage Guy 1: What I meant to say...was...uhh...that monkey-in-a-bowl, Data...um...  
D: Spit it out man, and hurry cuz she's about to 'sharpen my pencil,' if you know what I mean.  
Stage Guy 1: Umm...alright...Data's filming us again.  
Data: Eeeek Eeeek! [puts his camera away]  
D: [leaps out of his pants] AAAAAAAAGH! WAT DA FACK!?  
Mayor: Now was that the number 1 or the number 2 pencil?  
  
[End of Manda Island Mayhem, Bring in the Dancing Lobsters!] 


	3. Calbania Calamities

Calbania Calamities  
  
Bud: Our next reel happens during the filming of the Carlbania Island battles. More of the things you like so much, plus a new controversy that will result in 'more action than you can shake your middle finger at!'  
  
[filmed on location on the set in Basilan Island, Philippines]  
[Cast meeting]  
  
D: Welcome all to Carlbania Island!  
MM: [sarcastic] Whoopee. I'm so happy.  
R: Wait a minute? Why aren't we in Ruminoa?  
D: Well, the mayor 'accidentally' pressed the self-destruct button WAY TOO EARLY and we're filming here to avoid any delays while they reconstruct the entire set from scratch. It's also because the producers don't think you deserve vacations the way you've been treating me during filming.  
R: There goes my date with Teisel...  
  
D: right...Let's meet the new cast members. Tron, you remember Glyde, don't you?  
G: It's a pleasure to meet you Tron. My, you look beautiful today.  
T: As if. Can't you say anything more original than that?  
MM: Don't be trying to pull off any moves with my Tron, buddy.  
G: I already have. Remember our little gig in the barn?  
T: AAGH! DON'T REMIND ME!  
MM: Stop torturing her!  
G: And remember that time in the casino janitor's closet?  
T: NOOOOOOO! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING! X-O  
MM: STOP IT OR I'LL DRILL A HOLE RIGHT THROUGH YOU!  
D: ALL THREE OF YOU SHUT THE FACK UP!!!  
[all goes silent]  
D: Thank you.  
  
D: I'd also like to introduce Shu...  
Shu: Hi guys!  
[Trigger stares at Shu. Her 'poor-person' clothes seem to make her look very sexy.]  
MM: Whoa...those are big...  
T: Trigger! What are you looking at?!  
MM: Oops...sorry. I was just daydreaming...  
T: You'd better be just daydreaming, OR ELSE!  
D: ...and her...uh...cousins, Appo and Dah.  
A: Hallo! Ha Ha!  
Dah: Same heer! Ha Ha!  
G: Oh great. We're working with retards.  
[Appo and Dah start crying]  
Shu: Stop making fun of them! They're not retarded, they're just mentally challenged!  
G: What's the facking difference? [Shu gives Glyde a MONSTA bitch-slap] AAAGH! SWEET BEJEEZUS THAT HURT!  
Shu: I told you not to make fun of my cousins!  
D: AND I'M TELLING THE BOTH OF YOU TO STOP FIGHTING! NOW SIT DOWN!  
G & Shu: Fine.  
  
[Filming Time! At Urethra's Castle...not!]  
[Scaling the walls to Glyde's fortress]  
D: Okay Trigger, JUMP NOW!  
MM: Alrighty! [jumps into Appo and Dah's arm-trampoline]  
[Trigger is catapulted high into the air...backwards. He lands face-first in the ground right beside the director. Appo and Dah are looking straight up]  
A: He fly so high!  
Dah: Ya! Dah not seeing him!  
D: [slaps himself in the face] I guess Glyde was right, Trigger. They were retards. Trigger? [Trigger isn't responding.] Trigger? Are you alright? Trigger?!  
  
[After 30 minutes of CPR...]  
[Entering the room where Shu is being held captive]  
[Take 1]  
R: I'll bet Shu is in there! Why don't you check it out!  
MM: Got it! [peeks through the balcony door] WHOA! WHAT THE FACK! [slams it shut]  
D: CUT! What the hell's the matter? Are you scared of the Birdbots?  
MM: No...I just saw them raping Shu.  
D: SHITE! O_O  
Birdbot: Yeah! Give me some sugah baby!  
  
[Some programming later...]  
[Take 2]  
R: I'll bet Shu is in there! Why don't you check it out!  
MM: Got it! [heads in]  
D: Good take. Switch to inside camera.  
[Inside Camera. Trigger kills off the BirdBots and Shu gets up and approaches Trigger.]  
Shu: You saved me!  
R: Great job, Trigger! Now you have to get her out of the fortress!  
MM: I will...but first...[shoots the Inside Camera, shutting it down.]  
Stage Guy 1: [hereafter SG1] We've just lost the Inside Camera.  
D: Crap! I'll cut the scene. SG1, go inside and get that camera fixed.  
SG1: Affirmative!  
  
[SG1 climbs up to the balcony, enters the room and...well you figure out from here]  
SG1: FACK! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!  
MM: I wasn't doing anything!  
Shu: Yeah! We were just...um...conversing!  
SG1: But your clothes were ruffled...and your hair...and...EWWW! WHAT'S THAT DRIPPING OUT OF YOUR ARMOR!  
MM: [guilty as charged] Alright. We'll admit it.  
Shu: [ditto] Just don't tell anyone about it, okay?! Pleeeeeeze!  
SG1: I won't if you won't. It's a good thing Tron or the Director didn't come here, otherwise we'd all be screwed!  
Shu: Hey, something's moving near those boxes.  
Data: [coming out and hiding his camera] Eeeek Eek!  
MM, SG1 & Shu: O_O  
  
[Three loud screams erupt from the room. They can be heard by the director outside.]  
[One Hour Later...Before final Carlbania Shoot...at a coffee break]  
SG1: So...umm.. Trigger...did you get rid of the tape?  
MM: Yup. I got Data to give it to the director, and he sold it to someone.  
SG1: It's not that Nova person again, right?  
MM: Just some guy named Bud. Data told me it was for some site he was doing.  
SG1: I hope that's the last of it. Because...  
  
[Tron stomps in, red as a beet]  
T: WHO WAS THAT BROAD YOU WERE F***ING, TRIGGER!  
MM: Me? What broad?! You...you must be joking!  
T: I'M NOT JOKING! SOMEBODY SHOWED ME THAT VIDEO YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT!  
MM: What video?! You must be making things up!  
SG1: I..uh...gotta go to the bathroom. [leaves]  
T: I'LL LET YOU GO THIS TIME, BUT IF I FIND YOU WITH THAT BIOTCH SHU AGAIN...I'LL...I'll...  
MM: What?! Spit it out already!  
T: I'LL DUMP YOU FOR GLYDE!  
[Glyde spits out his coffee]  
G: Really?! You will?! Oh, please say you will!  
MM: No! You can't!  
  
[Final shoot...escaping the exploding fortress]  
[Trigger and Shu escape the fortress but the big bang doesn't occur.]  
D: Good take, but the big explosion didn't happen. What happened with the explosives? Can someone go check?!  
SG1: I'll do it! [heads into the fortress]  
MM: [to Appo and Dah] Hey kids...I'll give you 10000 zenny to go in there!  
A: Zenni? Was dat?  
MM: Let me put it this way. Do you want to be rich?  
Dah: Ya! Ya!  
A: Me wanna be rich, ha ha!  
MM: Then go in there and look for a key that looks like this! [shows them one of the Glyde keys] If you bring it to me, you'll be rich!  
Dah: Okey!  
A: Let's go! Ha ha!  
MM: [softly] Suckers.  
[Appo and Dah head into the fortress. In the meantime, SG1 comes back.]  
SG1: Looks like there's some sort of Radio-Controlled detonator attached to the big bomb.  
D: Who's got the detonator?  
MM: SAYONARA RETARDS! [Trigger's got the detonator. He activates it and the bomb explodes, incinerating the fortress and hurling Appo and Dah into the air.] WHO'S FLYING NOW! SWEET VENGEANCE IS MINE!  
D: That's it. No more free Jell-O for you, Trigger.  
MM: NOOOOOO!  
[Suddenly...somebody appears near the director in a cloud of smoke]  
Juno: Did somebody say Jell-O? ^___^  
D: Fack.  
  
[Just before leaving the island]  
[At a presentation...]  
D: Shu, on behalf of Bud...i mean...Capcom Foundation, we would like to award you and your...um...cousins these new educational materials to help them become smart people!  
SG1: And we also got Trigger to pay for their medical expenses.  
MM: I'm broke, thanks to you guys! Now I can't date Tron tonight!  
G: [to Tron] I guess that leaves you dating me tonight, my pretty!  
T: Ah well, he shouldn't have humped that poor chick...  
Juno: Give me my Jell-O NOW!  
D: You're not getting your Jell-O because you're not supposed to be in this movie! Now go away!  
MM: [starting to cry] Why...why...  
  
[Boarding the ship heading to the Ruminoa Set...Trigger and Shu are the only ones who haven't boarded yet.]  
  
MM: I hope to see you soon, Shu. I promise.  
Shu: Don't worry, you will. I just know you will! But what about your girlfriend?  
MM: It's all taken care of, and I'll make sure it never happens again. Goodbye, my love.  
Shu: I know it won't be our last goodbye...  
[They kiss like in a romantic movie. Then...]  
Shu: Is that...that monkey again? Why is he holding a camera?  
[Trigger turns his head and spots Data with the camera]  
MM: O_O  
  
[End of Calbania Island Calamities, bring in the dancing lobsters!]  
[Coming up next time...Rumble in Ruminoa, and a new episode of OFF THE SET!]  
  
Juno: Can I have my Jell-O now?  
Bud: NO. :-(  
Juno: Damn!  
  
MML2: SS&S is brought to you by McDildos. ;-) 


	4. Rumble in Ruminoa

RUMBLE IN RUMINOA  
  
I've been working on this simultaneously with the chapter before it. Now featuring a crossover! Read on as new stuff is exposed! This one is a little more serious than the last, especially near the ending. And we're also expecting some competition from another author...  
  
[filmed on location in the Spratlys]  
  
D: I'd also like to introduce you to the Mayor of Ruminoa, and his vice mayor/sidekick Johnny.  
M: Hello, all! I'm going to play the Mayor of this city!  
J: And...um...I'm going to be his sidekick...uh...Johnny.  
D: I want no screwups during filming. If there are any, please make sure it doesn't destroy the set. The city portion alone took six months to rebuild!  
  
[Before the first battle scene]  
SG1: Oh, Trigger! You got a mail from the little Lego people!  
MM: You mean Servbots.  
SG1: Whatever. [hands Trigger the letter]  
[Trigger opens it from the side. A small white cloud appears and dissipates in front of both him and Stage Guy 1 before he pulls out the letter.]  
SG1: Well? What's it say?  
MM: It says - 'Dear Trigger, Master Teisel ordered us to get rid of you in secret so you can stop hitting on Master Tron. We figured a letter like this one would kill you quickly. All funeral expenses have been paid for. Sincerely, #32.'  
SG1: [laughing] That is pitiful! How can a piece of paper kill us off! Ooooh, I'm so scared of a paper cut!  
MM: [reading] 'P.S. Just so you know, the white cloud is made of airborne anthrax. We ordered it off a friend in Afghanistan. Tron doesn't suspect a thing.'  
SG1: O_O  
MM: O_O  
  
[Two loud screams rock the set.]  
[P.P.S. Babuu! ,,|,.]  
  
[3 days later... after disinfecting Trigger and Stage Guy 1 as well as the rest of Nino Island]  
  
[Coffee Break just after battle at Dock 1]  
J: Hey, Trigger.  
MM: What's up, Johnny?  
J: I was just noticing you look a little...well...dark today.  
MM: Ah well, it's just the hot tropical sun...I guess I forgot to bring sunscreen with me!  
J: No, I mean even your armor is darker than usual.  
MM: It's nothing. Maybe just a few char-marks from the explosions in the previous set.  
J: The cleaning guys there just can't seem to rub it off! Are you okay?  
MM: Don't worry your head off, man! Everything's cool. If you excuse me now, I gotta go get a beer. [walks off towards the cooler]  
J: [to himself] Since when did a 15-year-old like him start drinking beer?  
  
[Battle at Dock 2]  
[Take 1]  
R: Trigger! They're attacking the docks!  
MM: Roll, get out of there!  
R: I can't! We're not done with the repairs! You have to come [cut off, interference]  
MM: Roll?! Roll?!  
D: Cut! What the hell is going on?!  
SG1: The radio to the Flutter has been cut off!  
Teisel: Oh no!  
D: Is that bad?  
MM: Dear God, I hope so!  
SG1: The radio's back on, it was just a slight malfunction. Everything's fine.  
MM: DAMNIT! I thought she'd died!  
  
[Take 2]  
R: Trigger! They're attacking the docks!  
MM: Roll, get out of there!  
R: I can't! We're not done making love yet...Oops!  
Teisel: [over radio] YOU DID NOT HEAR THAT, OKAY?  
D: Uh huh. So what else is new. CUT!  
  
[Take 3]  
R: Trigger! They're attacking the docks!  
MM: Roll, get out of there!  
R: I can't! We're not done with repairs yet! You have to come quick!  
D: [to himself] They're doing fine...  
J: [through radio] Don't worry, Trigger! We'll take care of...HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN HERE! GET OUT! WAIT [cut off again]  
D: Cut! Check the radio!  
SG1: It doesn't look like Johnny's in there. The radio appears to be functioning.  
D: Then why the heck is the facking cannon coming out!  
[The 'facking' cannon is coming out...with Teisel controlling it]  
SG1: Oh no.  
T: Teisel! What are you doing!?  
Teisel: I CAN'T BELIEVE THE ANTHRAX I SENT YOU DIDN'T KILL YOU! THAT ONLY MEANS I'M GOING TO TAKE CARE OF YOU MYSELF! [aims at Trigger and turns cannon up to full power]  
T: No! Don't kill him! X-O  
D: Stop that bastord before he hits something! [leaps out of his chair and races to the cannon with a good portion of the crew]  
Teisel: SAYONARA, TRIGGER!  
Tron: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! O.O  
MM: FACK!  
  
[Teisel fires, misses Trigger, and hits a part of the set where the explosives for the pyrotechnics are stored. The explosives detonate, Data is engulfed in the blast killing the camera temporarily, and Dock 2 goes up in a hellish fireball.]  
  
[After 3 months of repairs and 6 months of surgery and rehabilitation for the majority of the cast...]  
  
[Dock 3 battle]  
[Trigger is semicircle-strafing the Glyde Carrier and knocking out Birdbots. Suddenly one of his shots hits the Flutter]  
R: Watch it, Trigger! You're hitting the Flutter!  
MM: I know! I know! Stop telling me!  
[a few more shots and the Flutter goes down]  
R: NO!! HOLD ON TEISEL! I'M NOT GOING DOWN WITHOUT YOU!  
Teisel: I WON'T LET YOU DIE! Unless you died in my arms of course!  
MM: 'Hold on Teisel?' Hey where are you anyway?! Roll? ROLL?  
D: Why am I not surprised? -_-  
  
[Battling Glyde...activating the Parabola]  
MM: Are you sure you know what you're doing?  
R: Here goes!  
[Parabola activated...]  
MM: Roll?  
R: Look! It's working!  
[remember Data's with Trigger so you can only hear what happens in Glyde's ship.]  
G: [Laughing like a maniac] OH GOD! WHAT ARE YOU DOING! STOP THAT! YOU'LL DESTROY THE SHIP!  
Birdbot Red: Ha ha! Glyde's even better than Shu!  
Birdbot Green: Yeah! Go, Glyde, Go!  
[The ship 'explodes' and 'plunges into the sea.']  
D: This is a great shot! I love this crew!  
SG1: No you don't.  
D: I know. I was lying.  
  
[But shortly after! Back on shore...Glyde struggles to the Director]  
D: Glyde! What's wrong with your ass!  
G: You gotta help me...they...rammed...me...up...ugghhhh...[faints]  
[BirdBot Blue walks up to the director]  
D: You were on the ship?! What happened to Glyde?!  
BirdBot Blue: All I remember was that the device activated, I suddenly went out of control, and the next thing I knew Glyde was accusing the three of us for sodomizing him! What does that word mean anyway!?  
D: Oh god...  
  
[Entering the Ruins...with the rebreather...]  
[Jumping across from the ruins for the Sower]  
R: Trigger, I'm reading an Item across from you on the other side of the room. It looks too high to jump to, and there aren't any platforms leading to it! So, how do you get up there?  
MM: I think I know how! I saw this in a movie once...  
R: Trigger? What are you doing!  
[Trigger slowly backs away from the ledge]  
MM: [thinking out loud] All right. I can do it. I will do it. For Tron...  
R: I don't like the sound of that!  
MM: Here I GOOOOOOOO! [Trigger makes a running jump off the ledge]  
R: Why don't you use your Jet Skates instead?!  
MM: [just realizing] DAMMIT!  
[Trigger hurtles about 5 stories down face first. No, The room isn't flooded, and the ground doesn't bend under him.]  
D: Ouch. Can you get a medic out there?  
  
[Fighting Claymoor Round 1]  
[Before]  
C: How could Bola lose to a little punk like you?  
MM: I guess he just wasn't straight enough...I mean he wasn't good at aiming straight...heh heh! ^_^  
C: WHAT WAS THAT? B-|  
D: Cut...no sensitive subjects, remember?  
  
[After]  
C: That was fun! I haven't had this much fun since I took Bola to the parlor...[covers his 'mouth' suddenly.]  
MM: Hey! You admitted it!  
D: Cut! I'm sick of saying that word.  
C: I meant the ice cream parlor, not the beauty parlor! And that was when we were kids!  
MM: [sarcastic] Right...  
  
[Preparing to leave for the Saul-Kada set]  
[Trigger and Tron are at the railing by Dock 3]  
MM: [honest, really] Hey Tron, I'm really sorry about what happened in Carlbania a few months back.  
Tron: Really? Actually...I'm also sorry I slapped you back there.  
MM: Will you forgive me?  
Tron: Just make sure you don't get it going with Shu again, alright?  
MM: You bet!  
Tron: Uncross your fingers!  
MM: Fine.  
[They French kiss and make up.]  
  
MM: Oh, and Tron, I got this about an hour ago...I hope it'll help us get back on track. [pulls out a shining card from his 'backpack' and shows it to Tron]  
Tron: What's this?  
MM: It's my class S license. It'll help me increase my income from my cave trips. It also means I'll be able to take you out on a really expensive date sooner than you think!  
Tron: Really? How sweet!! Thank you! [Gives Trigger yet another french kiss. Trigger blushes]  
  
[Glyde comes in, on crutches and walking like Beavis when his butt was burned]  
G: Hey, ass. What's that in your hand?  
MM: It's my new class S license!  
G: Oh, let me see. [Grabs it from Trigger]  
MM: Hey! Gimme my license back!   
[Glyde tosses the license off the railing. It disappears into the sea hundreds of feet below.]  
G: [mocking] Whoops! Looks like I dropped it! :-)  
MM: [peering off the railing] NOOOOOOOO! MY LICENSE! O.O  
G: Come on, Tron. Let's ditch this whiner.  
T: [reluctant] Oh, all right. [sweetly] Bye Trigger! [touches Glyde's butt]  
G: OUCH! Watch my ass, woman!  
MM: [sobbing] My...license...why...  
  
[Glyde and Tron fly away to the next set in Glyde's big ship. MegaMan Trigger watches in seething hatred as they soar off into the sunset.]  
  
[Be prepared for Chapter 5: Insanity at Saul Kada!]  
  
Juno: Can I have my Jell-O yet?! ^_^  
D & Bud: NO!  
Juno: Assholes...  
  
This chapter was brought to you by StarBoobs Coffee. Simply the Creamiest. 


	5. Insanity at Saul Kada

INSANITY AT SAUL KADA  
  
Bud: Expect things to get reeeeeally hot in this next sizzling chapter!  
More controversy! More shameless movie plugs! More on the war on Terror! And new shite your parents would kill to shield your precious eyes from! As well as an all-too-familiar guest character playing that guy who sells stuff to bad people!  
  
NOTE: THIS EPISODE HAPPENS AFTER THE DANCE-FLOOR SCENE IN MY OFF THE SET! FIC, SO NOW TRON IS IN LOVE WITH STAGE GUY 1. SEE EPISODE 2, PART 1 FOR DETAILS.  
  
[filmed on location inside and outside Mazar-e-sharif, Afghanistan]  
  
[Preliminary Cast Meeting]  
D: All right, everybody. I'd like to get a few things straight before we get filming today. Trigger, your 'johnson' isn't one of those things, got it?!  
MM: GODDAMMIT! 8(  
D: Anyway...although we've been granted access to film here, security is still a high concern, Taliban or no Taliban. THAT MEANS CAVITY SEARCHES ON THE SMALLEST SUSPICION,  
R: Damn! Now I can't sneak in any more condoms! XO  
D: GUARDS SEARCHING EVERY NOOK AND CRANNY OF THE SET EVERY HALF HOUR BETWEEN FILMING,  
T: There goes my closet time...  
D: AND OF COURSE, ANY PERSON CAUGHT *SABOTAGING* THE EQUIPMENT WILL BE LASHED 100 TIMES. [cracks a leather whip he bought from a local marketplace]  
T: Can I borrow that whip? Cuz the Stage Guy's been a very naughty boy...  
D: NO. :(  
  
[Stage guy 1 blushes]  
  
[Preparing for the town shots, something weird happens]  
  
OBL: [hiding behind the fountain] Psst...Kid!  
MM: Me?  
OBL: Yes...you! DarkBoy!  
MM: Me? Dark? No way! You gotta be kidding!  
OBL: Just get over here, dammit!  
[MegaMan sees the evil merchant dude hiding behind the fountain.]  
MM: Whoa! Who are you!  
OBL: Who I am is not your business! I am just an innocent merchant trying to make a decent living!  
MM: Right... What do you sell? :-/  
OBL: This! [shows the Ground Buster to Trigger]  
MM: 8O Oh my God! That's my dream weapon! Where did you get that!  
OBL: From a Russian friend of mine. I'll give it to you if you can trade me something just as valuable!  
MM: Hmmm...[ruffles through his backpack] Dammit! Nothing in here!  
OBL: Well then, no valuables, no weapons! [puts away the Ground buster]  
MM: Wait a minute, I think I know what to get!  
OBL: Take your time, my friend! I'll be here when you get what you need! ;)   
  
[Suddenly, in comes our old friend Stage Guy 1]  
SG1: Hey, Trigger! Who are you talking to?  
MM: Just some merchant who...[turns his head to find the merchant has disappeared]...whoa...where'd he go?  
SG1: Trigger, I think all those painkillers you've been taking have finally gone to your head. We'd better get you to filming.  
  
[Fighting Teisel's 'snake']  
D: [through Megaphone] All right, Trigger! You'll be fighting that giant snake. It will use the town's gold 'Buddha' for its shield, so try not to hit it. The statue is PRICELESS!  
MM: Don't you have any back-up statues?!  
D: We would have had backups but the Taliban destroyed them long before we got here. Enough talk, let's get it on!  
  
[The 'snake' begins to shoot out assorted foodstuffs while MegaMan aims carefully, leaping over those ServBot 'anal drills'. Don't ask me why we call them that or I'll cap you bitch.]  
MM: I can't hit that thing! I guess I have no choice!  
R: [through radio] Don't do it! Do you realize how much that thing costs?!  
  
[Trigger fires a barrage of weaponry at the statue, vaporising it.]  
D & Teisel: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! THE STATUE!  
Teisel: That tears it! You've meddled in our affairs way too much! Now, you're gonna pay!  
D: [mumbling to himself] Oh you're gonna pay. You're really gonna pay.  
  
[The snake-bot launches itself in the air. Trigger points up at it. Free Willy, Damnit!]  
[2 minutes later, after a fierce gunbattle]  
Teisel: Oh my God! I can't control this thing!  
[The snake-bot is wriggling madly]  
MM: I gotta get out of here!  
Servbot A: The oil valves are rupturing! Look's like we're losing mobility!  
[Oil is spurting out of the front of the twiching snake]  
SG1: AHHH! I'm gonna have nightmares for weeks!  
D: Not so loud, man! Now I'm gonna have to cut that!  
  
[The snake suddenly goes stiff, then collapses like a pillar to the ground. On top of Trigger. Oil is still streaming out the front.]  
SG1: O.O Crikey! He lost his mojo!  
[Tron gasps]  
D: CUT DAMMIT! I WILL HAVE NO MORE SEXUAL REFERENCES IN MY FILM!  
SG1: I guess you will sir...I think that's Data over there by the camera.  
D: OH SHIT.  
Data: Eeek Eeek! (translation: I'm gonna be rich!)  
  
[Teisel climbs out, anime-charred]  
Teisel: [struggling to speak] At least I smashed that blue guy! Real good, too!  
R: [through snake-bot's radio] You go, Teisel!  
  
[4 weeks later, after painful bone reconstruction in a nearby US Army Field Hospital]  
[Inside the Saul Kada Dungeon]  
  
D: Okay Trigger, now just step on this switch here.  
MM: [whining] But that's the Life-Sucker! I'll be all wrinkly!  
D: JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STEP IN THERE!  
MM: Awww...fine...  
  
[Trigger steps into the life-sucker and is getting sucked. There just ain't no other way to describe it.]  
  
MM: [life gauge blinking RED] Can't...hold...on...much...longer!  
D: [through MegaPhone] Just a few more seconds!  
SG1: [taunting] Yeah! And a guy from another show is offering you 5 million zenny to go another minute!  
MM: 5...million...good...enough!  
D: Wait a minute. Did you meet with the guy from Fear Factor?  
SG1: No, I'd just wanted to see if he could survive another minute in there.  
D: YOU DID WHAT!?  
T: That's my Stage Guy, the humorist! ^_^  
D: Get him outta there! I don't want anymore sudden injuries while filming! The insurance premiums are high enough as they are!  
  
[Two Stunt Monitors wedge open the Life-Sucker and let Trigger out. Trigger falls to his knees.]  
D: Are you all right, Trigger!?  
MM: I'll be fine...I just need a little water...and...[looking down at something] CRIKEY! Now I'VE lost my mojo!  
[Director Gasps]  
SG1, T, and Teisel: YES! WOO HOO!  
  
[Coffee break just before meeting the Gustaff and Bon at the lava-flow]  
D: Now why the hell did the producers call it the Giant Zit?!  
SG1: I don't know. I guess it's because all sort of icky stuff flows out of it.  
  
[Trigger enters]  
MM: Hey guys! [glaring at SG1] Oh, hi Stage Dude.  
SG1: Look, Trigger, I wanna tell you something.  
MM: [glaring] What, Tron too hot for you?  
SG1: Well, um...yeah. But that's beside the point. The point is, she...um...  
MM: How could you do take her away at the bar?!  
SG1: I was just trying to save her. You looked like you were going to molest her.  
MM: AND IS THAT A BAD THING!? HUH?! IS IT!?  
SG1: Well, yes. But seriously, I wanna say that...well, I'm sick of her. During our sessions, she always talks about how Trigger did a rim-job like this, and how trigger always used to raise my legs like that, it just takes all the fun out of it.  
MM: SO? What's your point!?  
SG1: The point is I want you to have Tron back. Sorry about what happened at the bar. I want you to have this.  
  
[You got: MOJO!]  
  
MM: Is this my Mojo?!  
SG1: Yeah. I drained it out of the life-sucker. I figured you needed it more.  
[silence]  
MM: THANK YOU! ALL IS FORGIVEN! [embraces SG1 like a long-lost friend]  
SG1: Really?  
MM: YES! REALLY!  
SG1: Okay okay. It's forgiven. Now get off me before someone thinks we're...  
R: [interrupting] EWWWWWWWWWWW! YAOI!  
MM: [getting off SG1] Wait! It's not what you think!  
R: [screaming] I'M GONNA TELL TRON THAT YOU'RE FAG SICKOS! XO  
SG1: [bulging vein] Are you thinking what I'm thinking?  
MM: [same here] Am I!  
  
[SG1 and Trigger draw out a rope and gag, respectively.]  
R: Wait! What are you doing! NOOOOOOOOOOO! XO  
  
[In 5 minutes, Roll is bound and gagged, screaming for her life as she's being sucked by the life-sucker in the dungeon. SG1 and Trigger are right beside it, grinning.]  
  
SG1: Well, that was fun. Now what?  
MM: I think we should both apologise.  
SG1: I guess. You first though.  
MM: Sure. Hey, you think maybe we can share Tron?  
SG1: HELL FUCKING YEAH! GROUP SEX ROCKS!  
MM: YEAH! LET'S DO IT!  
R: mmmmmmmmrph! mmmf!  
  
Bud: Let's skip the mushy apologising scenes to Tron and get to the first meeting with the Gustaff.  
  
[Take 1]  
R: Should we help them?  
T: Yeah! If you help us, then we'll let you have half the treasure!  
MM: I'll help you, and you can keep your treasure! All I want is some intimate time alone with you!  
D: SAY WHAT!? NEW TAKE!  
Bon: (first line!!!) Babuuuuuu... -_-  
  
[Take 2]  
R: Should we help them?  
T: Yeah! If you help us, then I'll let you make out with me!  
D: CUT THE SCENE! I AM ON THE VERGE OF USING THE WHIP!  
SG1: Me first! Tron's been a VERY naughty girl...(LASH) OW! WATCH THAT!  
Bon: Babuu babuu! X)  
  
Bud: Now for the really good stuff.  
  
[After fighting the Gustaff 2nd time]  
Servbot A: Umm...miss Tron, it looks like your clothes got ripped off in the explosion...  
Servbot B: Actually, you're clothes are gone.  
T: WHAT?! AAGH! TRIGGER, WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT?!  
D: [mumbling] Good, good. Just make sure you don't turn the camera to Tron.  
[Trigger is smiling.]  
MM: I guess I have to use my Health canteen now...[his health canteen is filled with the mojo]  
[Suddenly...that music starts playing. Trigger looks at Tron in a really...um...intimate manner.]  
T: Trigger? What are you doing?  
D: Hey! He wasn't supposed to go near her! Cut the scene!  
Cameraman: I can't! The camera's locked in Play!  
SG1: Does anybody feel it getting hotter?  
  
[Trigger walks toward Tron, stopping a few steps short. He takes out his medicine bottle]  
MM: One for me...[drinks from bottle]...and one for my homies...[pours out the contents]  
D: Oh no. Now I'm gonna be sued again.  
MM: Don't worry, Director, this won't get weird.  
[Tron grabs Trigger and within seconds she is on top of him.]  
Tron: Let's get it on.  
D, Teisel, Servbots: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
[Lava oozes out the entrance to the key caves.]  
Bon: [Watching from doorway to key room] Babuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...E-)  
  
[Fighting Bon]  
[Bon sinks into the lava]  
MM: Hey Roll, you think he'll be okay?  
R: Don't worry about him. All that matters is the key.  
MM: Got it! [grabs the key]  
  
[You got the Third Key!]  
  
D: Good take! Now let's lift Bon out of there before he drowns.  
SG1: We can't sir. The safety ropes were cut and burned by the lava.  
D: Impossible! Those ropes couldn't even be cut by real lava!  
[NOTE: The director ordered glowing orange Jell-O to use as Lava for safety purposes.]  
SG1: Director, that WAS real lava.  
D: What do you mean?! What about that Jell-O I ordered to use as lava?  
SG1: The shipment...um...never arrived. We created a lava flow from a nearby mountain to make up for it.  
D: Damn! I guess we can only wait until the lava hardens and hope Bon doesn't melt by then. [looking at the lava flow]  
SG1: Yep.  
D: You know what, I'm sick of working with these people. When's the earliest I can get outta here?  
  
[Back in the BMP Studio]  
[Juno is swimming in the Jell-O the Director ordered.]  
J: I'M IN HEAVEN!  
Bud: HEY! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY FUCKING JACUZZI!?  
  
[End of Reel 5! Watch out for the final reel, Calinca Chaos Reel 2, coming after Spring Break 2002!]  
  
[Also watch Austin Powers III: Goldmember in theaters real soon! Yeah Baby!] 


	6. Calinca Chaos Reel 2

MML2: SS&S  
"We hold the rights until Nova forces us to give them back to her."  
Calinca Chaos Reel 2  
  
Bud: Before we begin, we'll explain why we won't take the series to Elysium. It's because the fucking monkey is charging us TRIPLE for every minute of film there. And NASA won't grant us permission to tag along. It's also because the director, a close friend of mine, is...um...resigning. Now, let's get to the show!  
  
Disclaimer: All brands and names copyrighted to their respective companies, all rights reserved. Except for the Crew, they're under my command. SUE ME AND I WILL CAP YOU BIOTCH.  
  
[filmed on location near Vladivostok, Russia]  
  
[aboard the flutter]  
[Take 1]  
R: Eeek! Trigger! What are you doing! X(  
MM: Watching you practice your goddamn KarmaSutra by yourself! You look like you're masturbating!  
D: CUT! TRIGGER! IT'S THE WHIP FOR YOU!  
[Take 2, 20 painful lashes later]  
R: Eeek! Trigger! What are you doing! I was getting ready for my date with Teisel!  
D: CUT! YOU TOO, ROLL!  
[Take 3, 20 VERY PAINFUL lashes later]  
R: Eeek! Trigger! What are you doing!  
MM: Oops! You mean you're not Tron?  
D: TRIGGER! COME HERE! NOW!  
  
[Break at the Post Office, FIFTY lashes later]  
MM: Hey, there!  
PM: [PostMaster] Yo, Trigger! You got mail!  
MM: Anthrax again?  
PM: Hell no. This time, you've got some mail from Appo and Dah!  
MM: DAMN! Those retards have been mailing me constantly about how their spelling is improving. And they still can't spell the F word right either.  
PM: So...  
MM: Just return it to the sender. They can't even read their own addresses.  
PM: Alrighty...Oh! You also got one from Tron!  
MM: ^_____^ OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! Lemme see it!  
PM: Here ya go!  
  
[You got: Tron Letter 2!]  
  
MM: It reads - Dear Trigger, Mistress Tron is always happy these days. Whenever any of us asks why, she says its because you copulated with her, whatever that means. But Master Teisel is very angry. He wants us to get rid of you. We're using a different method than anthrax this time.  
PM: Thank God. What can a little Lego Man do? Hit us with his plastic hand?!  
MM: [reading] We're using a voice bomb. This letter will self-destruct in 2 seconds from the time you read this sentence out loud.  
PM: Voice bomb my...  
  
[The post office explodes in a ball of flame that also consumes nearby buildings.]  
  
D: I love this whip!  
  
[Meeting Joe...again...after 3 months of burn treatment and rehab]  
Joe: Here...take this. These are the keys to the train.  
MM: Yes! I get to take the HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOE TRAIN!!  
D: Cut. Trigger! You know the drill.  
MM: Hell no! I ain't gonna get whipped again! [makes a run for the hotel exit]  
D: [to SG1] You know, this whip also doubles as a lasso.  
  
[10 searingly painful lashes later]  
[Train chase]  
[Fighting Glyde's car]  
[Take 1]  
G: You're not gonna defeat me so easily!  
MM: As easily as I did to you at the DANCE CLUB?!  
G: NOOOOOOOO! DON'T REMIND ME!  
D: CUT DAMMIT! Bringing up other shows is copyright infringement!  
[NOTE: SEE MY OFF THE SET FIC EPISODE 2 PART 1 FOR MORE DETAILS.]  
  
[Take 2]  
G: You're not gonna defeat me so easily!  
MM: Oh yes I will!  
G: Oh no you won't!  
MM: Oh yes I will!  
D: Cut the scene! Didn't I tell you about copyright infringement already?!  
G: Oh no you won't!  
MM: Oh yes I will!  
SG1: Word up, doc!  
  
[Take 3]  
G: After I defeat you, Tron will be ALL MINE! MWAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHA!  
MM: NOOOOO! I WON'T LET YOU!  
T: [through megaphone] YEAH! DON'T LET HIM, TRIGGER!  
D: CUT! I'm gonna fucking kill myself.  
  
[Uncoupling Glyde's car]  
G: What are you doing!  
Teisel: So long, sucker! MWAHAHA Ha ha ha...ha... [can't push the button] I CAN'T DO IT! I JUST CAN'T!  
T: If you don't uncouple the car, Glyde's will explode taking us with him!  
Teisel: BUT WHO WILL I DRINK BEER WITH! X(  
G: And how will I ever give Tron a blow-job if I'm dead!  
T: [suddenly infuriated] HEY! ONLY TRIGGER AND THE STAGE GUY CAN SCREW ME! [pushes da button]  
G and Teisel: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
T, MM, SG1: YEEEEEESSSS!  
D: CUT! ALL OF YOU THERE SEE ME AFTER FILMING!  
  
[Battling Teisel's car]  
[Servbot missiles are being fired at Trigger]  
R: Maybe you can send the missiles back the way they came from!  
MM: Okay! I'll do that!  
[Servbot missile heads towards Trigger, Trigger catches it]  
Servbot: Hello, Trigger! Did you like my voicebomb? I made it myself!  
MM: SO IT WAS YOU! DIE LEGO BOY!  
[MM drops the Servbot in front of his train. It gets ground underneath the wheels, screaming.]  
Servbot: [pitifully] Cold...so cold...  
MM: AAAAAAHAHHAH! I LOVE THIS GAME!  
[Director slaps himself]  
SG1: [pats Director's shoulder] Don't worry, man. At least we don't have to pay for their insurance.  
  
[Shooting up Servbots on an exposed, burning train]  
R: There are too many of them! Aim for the laser!  
MM: I can't! They're throwing bombs at me!  
R: Throw the bombs back!  
MM: Got it!  
[Trigger throws a bomb back at a servbot, blowing it off the train and landing it under the wheels]  
MM: HA HA HA! DID YOU SEE THAT! HE GOT GROUND UP REALLY BAD!  
D: [Through Megaphone] Do you know how Christ felt being lashed? You'll find out real soon.  
Priest: Hey! No religious references! Think of the children!  
SG1: Hey, director, can I make him wear the crown of thorns now?  
  
[After the train scene, and 50 lashes to each of the cast members...]  
[Preparing for the icy dungeon sequence in the church]  
[Think Detroit Rock City.]  
MM: Ummm...director? Can I warm myself up before I enter the dungeon? It's cold in there, you know.  
D: Ehh...fine. Don't take too long. Maybe you can ask the priest to bless you before you go in, too.  
MM: Thanks! I'll do that! [runs into nearby confession booth]  
D: They'll need all the blessings they can get.  
SG1: You know what? I think I'll confess too!  
D: All right. Wait your turn in there, okay?  
SG1: Okay! [runs through same confession booth door as Trigger]  
[5 minutes later]  
D: I wonder what's taking so long? It shouldn't take this long to confess.  
Priest: [just arriving] Sorry I'm late. I had an appointment with a sick person in the hospital. [enters the OTHER confession booth door]  
D: Wait a minute...  
Priest: [from inside] ALMIGHTY HOLY SWEET MERCIFUL GOD!!! O_O  
[Trigger, SG1, and Tron all race out the door, in their underwear and sticky. Ewwwwwwwww... They stop in front of the director.]  
D: JEEZUS FUCKING CHRIST!  
  
[100 lashes and a crucifixion later]  
  
D: I REALLY LOVE THIS WHIP!  
T: AAAAAH! GET THESE NAILS OUT OF MY HANDS! IT HURTS! X_X  
[Data emerges from that same booth, holding his camera. There is a hole through the booth's ceiling.]  
D: Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do.  
  
[The Director grabs Data and rips his tail off. He also takes the camera footage and tosses it out the window, hoping the snow will destroy it. That's where I found it.]  
  
[Inside the dungeon]  
[Room with big pillars]  
R: I'm picking up quite a few tall structures in there. They appear to be pillars of some sort.  
MM: Even I never had boners this big!  
D: CUT!  
[Take 2]  
R: I'm picking up quite a few tall structures in there. They appear to be pillars of some sort.  
MM: I pity the people who make condoms for...  
D: CUT DAMMIT! ONE MORE TIME AND I'LL LASH YOU!  
  
[Across the frozen lake with the keys]  
R: There's a really big reaverbot in the middle of that lake! Watch out, Trigger!  
MM: Got it!  
[After defeating the big missile-bird and grabbing the keys]  
D: Good take. Let's get to the blob shoot before we all freeze to death.  
SG1: Hey? There's something moving out on the ice patch.  
D: I can't see it too well. [It's Teisel and Roll doing a figure-skating routine] What the hell are they doing?  
SG1: Should I get the whip, sir?  
D: [Suddenly very infuriated, then is back to normal, with an evil grin] No. I've got a better idea.  
  
[The director picks up a spare Servbot bomb and throws into the middle of the lake. It explodes, revealing the cold, icy water that Teisel and Roll fall into.]  
  
SG1: DIRECTOR!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?  
D: I'll get them out of there on our way out. Let's keep going.  
SG1: BUT WHAT IF THEY DIE!?  
D: Then screw them! I'll get another Roll and Teisel.  
[Tron and Trigger are laughing at the drowning victims]  
  
[Showing Trigger to the Blob]  
SG1: This is the blob you'll be fighting. Think of it as a big blob of...  
J: JELL-O! ^______________^  
SG1: HELL NO, JUNO! NOW GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I SLAP YOU.  
J: Eeek! I don't wanna be slapped!  
SG1: Bad Juno! Bad Juno! Get over here!  
J: No! I won't let you! [flees off-screen]  
SG1: And don't come back! Anyway, Trigger, think of this blob as a big hunk of ESTROGEN. If it engulfs you, you'll become a woman and lose your...um...woody.  
MM: [trembling] And Tron won't love me?  
SG1: Nope. And our group sex sessions won't be fun anymore. Although I will have my own hoe train...  
MM: [like a macho man] SAY NO MORE! I WILL DEFEAT THIS MENACE!  
SG1: That's the spirit! Now get out there and KILL THAT BLOB!  
MM: YES! :) [runs out to the ice field and starts battling the blob]  
D: [to SG1] You didn't tell him that the blob was really made of toxic industrial sludge did you?  
SG1: Of course not. He'd be trembling in fear if I did.  
D: [sigh of relief] Thank God. At least he's being careful.  
  
[Suddenly...]  
MM: AAAAGH! HELP! IT'S GOT ME!  
D: SHIT! WE HAVE TO GET HIM OUT OF THERE!  
MM: I DON'T WANNA BE A WOMAN! X(  
D: STAGE GUY?! WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM THE BLOB WAS MADE OF?!  
SG2: Um...Stage Guy 1 isn't here sir. He fled when he saw Trigger panicking.  
MM: HELP ME! [is swallowed into the blob]  
D: I'm not helping him!  
  
[End of Reel 6]  
[Watch out for our final reel, DreamTime Disaster!] 


	7. Dream Time Disaster (Final!)

MML2: SU&S  
FINAL REEL  
Dream Time Disaster!  
  
Bud Muncher Productions: Proud to be the only YAOI-bashers in this section of the site!  
  
Bud: This is it, our final reel! Guest Starring X and Zero! And with a surprise ending! But for some reason it's not as good as the Calinca Chaos and Insanity at Saul Kada episodes. THOSE were our best!  
  
[IN THE SULFUR-BOTTOM, ABOVE THE NYC SKYLINE]  
[Bringing the keys to Von Blücher]  
VB: Thank you, Trigger! You brought all the keys!   
MM: What exactly are the keys for?  
VB: Probably the keys to my wife's virginity belt. It's an Everlast!  
MM: ._. ...You've got a big wife!  
D: CUT! Even the minor actors are driving me FUCKING NUTS!  
  
[Alarms start to ring]  
Soldier: Mr. Von Blücher, we have a severe temperature rise in compartment 7. It looks like some kind of fire! Two people are trapped inside!  
VB: Send somebody down there to extinguish it. I want nobody dying on my ship!  
Soldier: Right away sir.  
[10 minutes later]  
Soldier: We rescued the two victims, but it looks like they were the cause of the fire.  
VB: Bring them in here.  
Soldier: Yes sir! [Brings in Roll and Teisel, in their underwear]  
D: CUT! WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE TWO MANIACS DOING!  
R: I told you turning on the steam was a bad idea!  
Teisel: Bad Idea?! Nobody told me it was the gas valve!  
D: Okay, dudes! You know what happens next!]  
  
[50 naked lashes later]  
[Geetz gets shot down, camera facing out the window]  
GE: Yuna, I'm sorry...I failed you...  
D: Good take! Are you sure we're over the Hudson?  
SG1: Let me check...Uh, no. We're over Manhattan.  
D: DAMMIT! Let's hope he impacts on the street. That dragon is loaded with enough power to...  
SG1: Destroy one of the new AOL-Time-Warner Twin Towers in Columbus Circle? Because that's just what he did. Look!  
D: [seeing a line of smoke rising above skyline] All I know is, I'm not paying for that!  
  
[Battling Gatz on top of the Sulfur-Bottom]  
[Take 1]  
Teisel: [from neighboring ship's megaphone] C'mon, Trigger! If you win, I'll buy you dinner!  
MM: Really?  
Teisel: Of course not!  
D: CUT!  
[Take 2]  
Teisel: C'mon, Trigger! If you win, I'll buy you dinner!  
MM: Really?  
Teisel: HELL FUCKING NO! I was talking to Roll!  
D: Can you tell Gatz to shoot them down now? CUT!  
[30 seconds later]  
[Gatz shoots Tron and Teisel down]  
[Take 1]  
MM: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! TRON! X( Why....?  
D: CUT! THERE IS NO ROOM FOR SYMPATHY ON THIS SHOT!  
[Take 2]  
Teisel: ROLL! I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU!  
T: I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU TOO, TRIGGER! ESPECIALLY THAT CONFESSION BOOTH THING!  
D: CUT! I STILL HAVE THE WHIP, YOU KNOW!  
  
[Gatz about to crash into Trigger]  
GA: I won't let you take the keys!  
MM: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
[CRASH, Explosion]  
D: YES! GOOD TAKE! NOW WE'RE OFF TO ELYSIUM!  
SG1: Um, sir...Trigger isn't getting up.  
D: Good. I like the cast best when they're not moving.  
SG2: I'll get a medic out there right now!  
D: NO! DON'T DO IT!  
  
[Up on top of the Sulfur-Bottom]  
[Medic, Director, and Stage Guys 1-3 are gathered around Trigger's body, surrounded by Gatz debris]  
Medic: Well, he's not breathing, and he has no pulse.  
D: Don't tell me you lost him! Wait a minute...PLEASE SAY YOU LOST HIM!  
Medic: Um...no. It's possible he's in a coma.  
SG1: Either way, filming's screwed without him.  
D: So? Is that a bad thing?  
[Tron arrives on deck and kneels down beside Trigger's body]  
T: [sobbing] TRIGGER! WAKE UP! PLEEEEEEEEZE!  
Medic: I don't think there's anything you can do for now. All we can do is watch, and wait.  
T: WHAT KIND OF A DOCTOR ARE YOU! I'LL ADMINISTER CPRS!  
SG2: CPRS? What's that?  
Medic: I have no Idea.  
[Tron starts making love with Trigger, complete with French kissing.]  
D: HOLY SHIT! GET HER OFF! GET HER OFF!  
  
[CPRS = Cardio-Pulmonary Resucitative Sex]  
  
[SG3 yanks Tron off while SG2 and SG1 take Trigger downstairs. Director and Medic follow]  
T: NOOOOOOOOO! TRIGGER! BRING HIM BACK! PLEEEEEZE! X(  
[SG3 and Tron remain on top until the other crew members take their equipment downstairs.]  
  
[Getting Ready for DreamTime]  
[Data and X are waiting outside the dressing room]  
[They're both listening through the door and they hear the following]  
SG1: Okay, Zero, you're gonna have to wear this. And you're gonna have to let your hair down.  
Z: But I'll look like a fucking girl!  
SG1: Don't worry. Nobody will notice. Now get into this thing.  
Z: Oh, alright. Just make sure nobody laughs at me.  
  
[30 secs later]  
[IN the dressing room]  
Z: Alright, SG1, how do I look.  
SG1: You look fine. Trust me, the assholes who buy the game won't even know it's you!  
X: [outside] That's what he thinks...  
SG1: [at Dressing Room Door] Zero, your 3D premiere awaits you!  
Z: Right... [heads to door] Wait a minute...can I do one more thing?  
SG1: Sure, take your time. The shoot doesn't begin for half an hour.  
Z: Okay...  
  
[Zero whips out his sabre from under his 'toga']  
  
SG1: ZERO! WHAT'S THAT DOING HERE! I thought that got confiscated at Security a while ago!  
Z: Yep, but I brought an extra one just in case.  
SG1: Please don't slash me!  
Z: I'm not going to slash you... HIIIIIIIIIIIYYAAAAA!  
SG1: WOAH!  
  
[Zero stabs a hole through the door]  
  
SG1: JEEZUS CHRIST! What'd you do that for?  
Z: Watch. [opens the door]  
  
[X, eyes rolled up and with a nasty hole through his skull, collapses in front of Zero.]  
  
SG1: Cool! Just like in Last Action Hero! But how...  
Z: That bastard is always looking for ways to humiliate me. Just like last time with the dildo-saber...  
SG1: Dildo-Saber? I thought that was Bud's idea...Oops!  
Z: What did you say?  
SG1: Nothing, nothing!  
Z: Good because I have half a mind to slash whoever got me blown up back there.  
  
[Dream Time Shoot, 30 minutes later]  
Y: [Yuna] Your mind is still too fragmented to remember what happened.  
MM: Couldn't you just run ScanDisk on me?  
D: CUT! Copyright infringement again.  
Y: Besides, Trigger, you're human.  
  
[10 lashes later]  
[flashback scene to Elysium, master appearing in front of Trigger]  
Z: [as Master] Trigger, you have served your purpose well. You shall go in peace.  
MM: Whoah! You're Gay!  
Z: WHAT WAS THAT!? :-(  
D: CUT! Yaoi is a serious crime! 20 lashes, see me later.  
SG1: Besides, even if Zero was gay it wouldn't matter would it?  
Z: OKAY, STAGE GUY EAT SABER! [wields his saber]  
X: OOH OOH OOH! Let him have it!  
SG1: Now, I'm fucked.  
  
[With Yuna, closing scenes of Dream]  
[Take 1]  
Y: Now, Trigger, you have a difficult choice to make. The choice is yours alone. Will you defend the System, or will you destroy it?  
MM: If the System was directed by a FAG like him then hell yeah I'll destroy it!  
D: CUT! THE SYSTEM IS GOOD. AND ANY MORE YAOI AND YOU'LL END UP LIKE TRON DID IN CALINCA.  
MM: NO! Don't remind me of that...  
Z: WHO'S A FAG!? XO  
[Take 2]  
Y: Now, Trigger, you have a difficult choice to make. The choice is yours alone. Will you defend the System, or will you destroy it?  
MM: I'm a rebel. DOWN WITH THE SYSTEM! THE GOVERNMENT SUCKS!  
D: CUT! 5 more lashes, see me later. [to SG1] I told you that trip to Genoa wasn't such a good idea.  
  
[Final Cast Meeting]  
D: Bad news everyone!  
R: What, you put away the whip for good? Cuz Teisel's been a naughty boy...  
T: Did you lose Trigger? Please say you didn't!  
Teisel: PLEASE SAY YOU DID!  
D: Close! I'm gonna tell you that I'm retiring! ...And Trigger's alive...sadly.  
Rest of Cast and Crew: [silence, then...] YES! WHOOOOOPEE!  
Teisel: Yes! No more whippings!  
T: Now I can't be crucified anymore!  
D: But there's good news! You'll still have a new director to take care of the Elysium Scenes!  
Bon: Buuu babuu? (translation: George Lucas?)  
D: I don't know what you just said, but you're PROBABLY WRONG!  
Bon: Buuuuu.... (translation: awwww...)  
  
[THE BIG MOMENT]  
D: Ladies, Gentlemen, and Robots, meet your new director - NOVA STRIKE!  
NS: [entering the meeting room] HEY GUYS! IT'S ME AGAIN! WE'RE GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN! ^_____________________^  
Cast and Crew except D: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (gasp for breath) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
D: I knew you'd approve so much! ;)  
Data: Eeek Eeek Eeek! (translation: You said it, boss!)  
D: Wait a minute. What are YOU doing here? Give me that camera!  
J: Gimme my Jell-O Now!  
D, SG1: NO.  
J: DAMMIT!  
  
[THE END!]  
[Epilogue]  
[Back in the Studio]  
  
Bud: And so ends our great saga, MEGAMAN LEGENDS 2: SCREW-UPS & SHITE! I'd like to thank the director for his cooperation, the cast and crew for such humilating...I mean humorous moments, and Data, for the footage! We'll see you...um...guys? [cast is brandishing weapons and advancing on Bud] Guys! Put the weapons down! This won't end well.  
  
[THE REAL END!]  
[BUD MUNCHER WILL RETURN IN OFF THE SET! (April 30, 2002) AND MEGAMAN LEGENDS 3: SCREW-UPS & SHITE (when that game comes out), AS WELL AS THE BUDZ CUT (July 19, 2002).]  
  
This show was (not) sponsored by Sony Digital Cameras. They just pay Data to use them for ad campaigns. 


End file.
